« (back)

20070330 - all that matters

earworm of the day: tally hall - smile like you mean it
word of the day: tosser

since beks took the question 'what is love?' and knocked it out of the park, i was being bored and just started thinking of 'what is ___?' topics. so i kinda thought about what it means to be happy. what is happiness?

some people's idea of happiness is something that gives them a purpose in life, something they know is true, something to look forward to. that's kinda easy to do, cos look around you and you'll see people that do have something to look forward to. but while writing this post, what i'm thinking about happiness is the more elusive happiness. 'something' that makes you happy in that moment and every other moment you think bout that 'something'. that doesn't make things any clearer though! so i figured being happy is the exact opposite of being unhappy and thought of the things that make me unhappy.

i'm not happy when people you think are your good friends don't choose to open up and tell you things. i'm not happy when things you say are just taken at face value and thrown back in your face. i'm not happy when people dismiss whatever i have to say as 'unimportant & nonsense' just because my actions sometime make me out to be pure nonsense. it's kinda hard to think of what makes me unhappy i guess! but those are a few of them.

now, since happiness is the opposite of unhappiness, i have a rough idea of what makes me happy (: and it's you, beks. though at times i pushed you aside and not been fair to you, i hope you don't think i ever took you for granted. sometimes it takes hurt and pain to jolt those innate feelings of love and happiness awake, but i'm glad mine got jolted. and i'm not afraid to say it anymore.

you make me happy. happiness is you.


--"20061009
whenthetiesthatbindarecut

when the world stood and laughed, poked, proded and taunted. i knew it was up to us to prove them wrong. but silly me, thinking it'd all work out. so isn't it funny how words can ruin everything. when things you shove away finally break free. the people you know you'll hurt, the necessary evil they call it, and you walk away because things might not go the way you want. what if the one person you walked away from never comes back, what then? would you risk it all by letting go? but if you could see me now, you'll see that there's no hate, just love and the hope that you'd see it. so know that i'm always standing in your doorway, because i'm not going anywhere.

i want to let you in on a secret, i'm not who you think i am, in fact, my disguise is so thin, i'm surprised you haven't seen right through me. i'm the girl of your dreams masquerading as your best friend. and when i finally ripped off this facade, you got scared and ran away again. someone once told me there are two types of girls: the ones you grow out of, and the ones you grow into. i really hope i'm the latter. i may not be the one you love today, but i'll let you go for now, hoping that one day you'll fly back to me because i think you're worth the wait."